| [ | Current Mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
today is a bad day.
school ends at 11am and i went for movie, 2012. the movie wasnt that bad and i kind of love it. but before the movie, jiayan said something that i feel sad about. she said whatever people say to me, the whole world will know the next day. i dont know. maybe it's true or something. i think i became quite quiet after that. and after the movie, i think i recovered or something.
i was quite excited to see him. but well.. today turns out to be the worst date we had.
he came to ion to look for me.. we walked for awhile and jiayan say she wants to leave already. because paul looked bored and tired. so they left and i went wheellock with him. at first i was fooling around because i ask him to put the hand moisturizer that i just bought. he didnt want at first so i act as if im angry. but it seems that he cant tell if i was really angry or not. awhile later, i chat with him normally and i thought we were fine already...
we went to walk around and far east shopping centre and forum. and that was when i realise he is really tired. so i kind of sounded too fierce as i forced him to go home. because he's having church in the night! i really wanted him to have enough rest. but he insist in sending me home. (though, i really wanted to continue walking and do some window shopping.. i havent been out for quite sometime because i keep going home straight.. sigh..) when we are at the bus stop, i keep forcing him to go home and naturally, the ah lian jerene appeared. i showed him attitude and didnt talk to him properly. for like 15mins. it was really bad.. and then my brain suddenly tell me, 'jerene, go and buy koi! you need something to make you happy!' so we took 36 to Plaza Singapura and take the train there.. and he talked to me fiercely in the bus... he asked me if i really want him to go home. if i really want, he will go.. i told him half of my heart wants you to go home but half of it wants you to stay. in the end he went chinatown with me.
after buying milk tea, i wanted to go and look and the price of some stuff.. i asked him to leave first but he dont allow me to walk around alone.. he said that the guys here are all pervertic uncles and he dont want me to shop around alone.. i was quite pissed off because before i was attached, i always shop and walk around myself.. i understand why he will be like that but i really need to find out some prices in the mall.. after 'pleading' him for 5mins during the wait of the milk tea(i bought quite a few cups), he gave in and went off first..
sigh.. im very sad already.. how..... will i make him happy? can i? i dont think i have the capability..
let's continue.. on my way home, i sent him a message. and i felt super demoralised when i read his reply.. hais.. i think im a failure.. in both life and relationship.. my manager just reprimanded me yesterday.. wtf man.. my life is really so good.. honestly, i think i will never bring happiness to people around me.. sadness and unhappiness are the two things that they can get from me.. everytime.. everyday..
i really suck. im a bitch, a slut, a jinx and whatever you can think of..
why cant i control myself.. hais.. jerene you suck!!!! |