paul yong, if you happened to remember my blog URL, then good for you!
but who needs youuuuuu :P

HEHEHEHHE :P

yesterday was quite fun (:
though he was still unwell, he was happier yesterday!
you know right, he dont let me kiss him the day before cause he dont wanna spread the virus to me.
but he wanted to kiss me before he leaves and i dont allow.
cause he dont allow me to kiss him first right!
must be fair right! hehehehhe :P

so i didnt allow him to kiss me yesterday cause im still unhappy about what happened the day before.
and i told vic! then vic replied huh! wont it be weird?
so i decided to give in and dont be so childish already.
hahah. so stupid right? but ya, maybe this is how people have their fun (:

victor, can you go clubbing with the group even if i dont go?

and JIAYAN very bad to me ):
she say whatever i know or whatever others tell me, the whole world will know the very next day ):
is that true? ):

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Current Mood

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gloomy

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today is a bad day.

school ends at 11am and i went for movie, 2012.
the movie wasnt that bad and i kind of love it.
but before the movie, jiayan said something that i feel sad about.
she said whatever people say to me, the whole world will know the next day.
i dont know. maybe it's true or something.
i think i became quite quiet after that.
and after the movie, i think i recovered or something.

i was quite excited to see him.
but well.. today turns out to be the worst date we had.

he came to ion to look for me.. we walked for awhile and jiayan say she wants to leave already.
because paul looked bored and tired.
so they left and i went wheellock with him.
at first i was fooling around because i ask him to put the hand moisturizer that i just bought.
he didnt want at first so i act as if im angry.
but it seems that he cant tell if i was really angry or not.
awhile later, i chat with him normally and i thought we were fine already...

we went to walk around and far east shopping centre and forum.
and that was when i realise he is really tired.
so i kind of sounded too fierce as i forced him to go home.
because he's having church in the night!
i really wanted him to have enough rest. but he insist in sending me home.
(though, i really wanted to continue walking and do some window shopping.. i havent been out for quite sometime because i keep going home straight.. sigh..)
when we are at the bus stop, i keep forcing him to go home and naturally, the ah lian jerene appeared.
i showed him attitude and didnt talk to him properly. for like 15mins.
it was really bad..
and then my brain suddenly tell me, 'jerene, go and buy koi! you need something to make you happy!'
so we took 36 to Plaza Singapura and take the train there..
and he talked to me fiercely in the bus... he asked me if i really want him to go home. if i really want, he will go..
i told him half of my heart wants you to go home but half of it wants you to stay.
in the end he went chinatown with me.

after buying milk tea, i wanted to go and look and the price of some stuff..
i asked him to leave first but he dont allow me to walk around alone..
he said that the guys here are all pervertic uncles and he dont want me to shop around alone..
i was quite pissed off because before i was attached, i always shop and walk around myself..
i understand why he will be like that but i really need to find out some prices in the mall..
after 'pleading' him for 5mins during the wait of the milk tea(i bought quite a few cups), he gave in and went off first..

sigh.. im very sad already.. how..... will i make him happy? can i? i dont think i have the capability..

let's continue..
on my way home, i sent him a message.
and i felt super demoralised when i read his reply..
hais.. i think im a failure.. in both life and relationship..
my manager just reprimanded me yesterday..
wtf man.. my life is really so good..

honestly, i think i will never bring happiness to people around me..
sadness and unhappiness are the two things that they can get from me..
everytime.. everyday..

i really suck. im a bitch, a slut, a jinx and whatever you can think of..

why cant i control myself.. hais.. jerene you suck!!!!

i think i was depressed last sat and a pretty bad one?
but well, im fine again.
super weirdd! and it seem to happen several times a month.

hmm but anywaysssss, im very happy now (:

i popped some questions to him yesterday:

what does a kiss mean to you?
what does a hug mean to you?
what does every word i said mean to you?

i know it's pretty lame to ask these questions! but i just feel like asking!
hahah! and he gave a very very good answer! way better than the one i thought!

(:

next thing im going to say or rather complain about is, MY TUTORS SUCKS!
except for the FIT one though.
SOM and PMKT gave us so many information and i dont even know what's the correct one!
SOM tutor is giving her speech now.
keeeeeeeeeeep going through the lecture all over again.
hellllo! mrs dont whoever, we already attended the lecture!
the lecturer gave us alot of informations already!
do you have to explain every single thing again?!?!

SIGH! sucks sucks. i rather go home and study -.-
teacher i hate you! :@

oohhhh victor im so sorry for not going out with you again.
friday and monday. so sorry darling! i really really didnt mean to pang seh you everytime ):
hope you forgive me k! you know i still love you alot!!! ((:
 

sometimes i really want to do some stuff but i didnt say.

i thought that im very straightforward but i realise i was never straightforward towards what i really want to do.
giving answers that i actually didnt want to give and thus having outcomes that i dont want.

i wished it was known long ago.
i wished i was interpreted the way i wanted it to be.
i wished everything goes my way.

but you know what? these are wishes that will never come true..

i wished that i really do whatever my heart wants to do...

sigh, no idea why am i so emo.
i even switched off my phone.
maybe i just want a day off and go into my own world.

i wished that i never started working..

my brain feels like it's exploding,
my body feels like it will not be functioning tmr,
my shoulder feels so heavy that i will drop dead and die anytime,
my eyes feels so tired that i dont wanna be awake again.

why am i feeling this way?

hais..